Who Moved the Cheese?

I just listened to 'who moved the cheese?' and I am quite certain that my role in change is 'hem' who does not want to change, does not accept change and fights it to the bitter end.
The bitter end has past and now I must accept my mistakes and learn from them and move on.
I am 45 (and feeling it) and wish things were on track. I didn't want to go through this and refused to believe I could end up so alone although I had seen it coming from miles away.
How stubborn in a delusion of "love" can one get?
My mood swings and repetitive thought patterns are wreaking havoc on my emotions...
Here a recovering alcoholic and a broken hearted fool are rolled into one and it is a bad combination to deal with. I am trying to not hold myself responsible for the situation I have ended up in, but it is the only way I can just move forward and let the past go.
I am so sensitive and afraid of change that it is hard to not fall back on dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have wrecked my life in the past. It is hard to accept that the person I cared most about does not care if I sink or swim. There I go playing the 'hem' role and wanting to blame everyone but myself for the rut I am in...
I keep working on it.
Blogging may well be therapy...